Creases of Myself
I don't want to be a nurse or save a million dollars or find a cure or raise money for orphans or write a novel or learn guitar. Not really. I hardly want anything anymore. I hardly like food anymore. I guess that's where this started.
I do truly love food. I want to drown in food. I want to swim in the creases of myself and die in my flesh. I want my ass to be my mouth and I want my mouth to be my mouth and I want eight arms to shovel in the sugar and the smooth and the creamy and the warm. Food is warm and good and I sleep.
I have become so fleshy and round and stretched out. My tummy is round like I am having a baby. There is no baby. It's just more of me. My skin is the world and I turn and turn on an axis. My feet are barely able to keep up. My arms are flesh-like mountains surrounding the earth. My breasts are huge and the tips are red and they've spread so much I can get them into my mouth. When I suck my own nipples, it's not the same as when someone else is doing it. It's not the same.
So I stared and stared at my stomach and I got out a mirror and lied it on the floor and I could see what the men see who are underneath me and it is not how I feel. I didn't know my face sagged down and my breasts looked so far away and to see my pussy from THAT point of view has given me much more respect for the men that have put their own face there.
It looks like an evil flower or sickening growth and the lips that don't talk and how far up can I see into that thing anyway? The hair looks blue and there is a pink there like baby gums and the clitoris is long and not tiny like maybe it was when I was twelve. I never looked before. It looks like a scary place and all the time if I was getting licked and eaten out I never knew what it looked like from there.
I just eat soup now. I see vagina's in everything but soup it seems. And I can't have any meat because pussies are meat. I know the penis is supposed to be meat, but how meaty is a big pink vagina? Hungry and wet like it's just licked its own lips? I do eat salad sometimes. Some vegetables look too much like sex. If it looks like sex I won't eat it.
Milk. Milk is white like cum and like milk from breasts squirting out. The milk doesn't just come out of one hole in the nipple; it comes out of a bunch of holes, like a sprinkler head.
Bananas, zucchini, cukes, carrots, leeks: phallic. I can't eat anything phallic.
Tomatoes. They have seeds; I can't eat anything with seeds.
Sprouts look like sperm.
Mayo like ejaculate.
I can eat bread but not really anything you put on bread. Because it squirts out. I can eat grilled cheese.
Grilled cheese and soup and drink water.
My breasts are getting smaller, my flesh less wide. My arms less mountainous, my stomach easier to see over. Everything is changing and I look very different.
There are men who look at me like they want to fuck me but I just see their dicks as bananas and cucumbers and squash and carrots and I can't even talk to them. I don't want to talk to them and I don't want them to fall into my vagina or see how melty and useless it is now with their face right there.