was a couch potato all puffed up and voluminous. Women loved him.
Especially women who loved sour cream and chives. He was dotted with
green sprinkles. And his complexion was like a shiny pearl although he
had some stubble and long threads of hair on his back and arms.
Women from the neighborhood visited Charlie often. When the women
didn't put Charlie in their Palm Pilot date book, Charlie entertained
himself. He loved the taste of his russet knobby skin. He admired his
roundness and the indentations where he sagged. Generational
scars. He was proud of the genetics of his family. He pondered his
tactile self. Every part of him was an erogenous zone.
Charlie remembered his mother who was plump and his brother who was
drawn and narrow. He was glad he was as he was. He had been told to
loose weight but disagreed with the opinion.
Marge Miller came to visit on Mondays ( her husband was often out
of town at a frozen food convention). She asked, "May I, Charlie?" and
Charlie said, "Sure." He sat up straight on the camel back couch. Marge
licked the white cream off his arm. Her tongue went lower. Mrs. Miller
was in ecstasy. Her husband was not only distant but also
uncooperative, "More butter, please?" she said.
"Schmear it on," said Charlie with his eyes closed. He liked
lubrication. She sprinkled, she licked Charlie where his buds used to
On Wednesdays Charlie added cayenne pepper and chilies to his pulp for
Mrs. Ruth. Starling. She brought hot sauce and corn chips to go with
Charlie. Mrs. Starling cooled him after an hour-long Mexican jellybean
fan dance with some yogurt cucumber dip.
On Friday Charlie got up from the couch. He slipped into a bowl of fish
chowder for Marylyn O'Brady who was a traditional Catholic. Mrs.
O'Brady loved to sip him in the plastic kiddy swimming pool. She
sent her children to the movies although they had seen it all before on
"Was it good for you?" she said.
"Of course," said Charlie looking flaky and dehydrated and ready for
the sleep that comes form doing the best job a man without buds could